Dude looks like a Lady

Troy Polamalu is a not just an American Football player. Troy Polamalu is not just a man destined to shatter records. Troy Polamalu is a man with a lot of hair.

I mean, man alive that’s a lot of hair

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Of course long hair has its benefits for sponsorship and all that but it can also have its negative effects on the field; like when you are tackled by your hair as you are about to score a touchdown. Still Troy says he hasn’t cut his hair since 2000.

And the hair hasn't held him back. In his Pittsburgh Steelers’ opening eight games last year they made eleven turnovers in the four games Polamalu played while making only two in the four games he missed through injury. In a sport so dominated by possession it is little wonder that he has been chosen to go to the annual all-star Probowl game as the AFL's defensive safety every year since 2004, only missing out last year through recurrences of that same injury.

But there are plenty of hairy sporting superstars out there. Yes sir there are. What about all those hair-banded shots of Ronnie O’Sullivan or Dayfid Beck’em? Think of the scorpion kick from Colombian goalkeeper Rene Higuita and you’ll be recalling dozens of long haired sports stars, each one more awesome than the last.

What’s more is Higuita used to take penalties and free kicks for the national team. The man scored eight goals for Colombia. Naturally he's great friends with Maradona (played in Diego’s farewell match), and after retiring this January at the age of 43 he has said he wants to get into politics to tackle the drugs trade. What. A. Dude. And what hair.

And then there’s Dennis Lillee the great Australian fast bowler; seen here bowling with a terrifying nine slip fielders awaiting an edge from the trembling batsman. The batter isn't even a tailender. Top order chap named Peter Petherick who, inevitably, was out "bowled Lillie" for 1.

Crickey

Lille was an inspiration to fellow Aussies Glenn McGrath and - to a lesser extent - Jason Gillespie (Gillespie also employed a hairband for his flowing locks). On his retirement from Tests in 1984, Lillee held the record for the most number of Test wickets having taken a staggering 355 from the 70 he played.

In spite of this he is possibly best remembered by non cricket followers as man who tried to use an aluminium bat to improve his measly batting average of 13 runs per innings. Needless to say after one shot the umpires were none too impressed.

So lots of superb sportsmen have had lengthy hair at one time or another. Big deal you say? Who cares you say? Well maybe in some weird dimension lengthy hair gives these men an advantage; but even if it did I wouldn’t care.

For me, simply seeing a rugby ball carrying Sebastien Chabal charging full pace at a weedy, shaved headed, diminutive scrum half is awesome beyond belief. And I'm sure we all recall that well known mathematical corollary to Sportsman + Long Hair = Great Sportsman which states that awesomeness comes to apply to just about everything else that sportsman ever does.

Because today, friends, the moral of the story is just that: “Awesomeness comes to those with long, matted, greasy hair”.

And by the by, Troy Polamalu just had his hair insured for $1 million. You think I’m kidding?